My Siblings

If you haven't read the post about my Father yet, you should do so before reading this one.
http://mytwocents-meliss.blogspot.com/2011/10/my-father.html

So now that I have told you about my Father, I can tell you about the siblings he gave me. My Father got married and had 2 children with his wife. They gave me a Sister, Rebecca (although she goes by many other names, because she hates that one lol) She is 3 years younger than me. Then they gave me a Brother, Lenny, who is 5 years younger than me. At some point in my childhood I learned of their existence. I didn't have any contact with them though until I was 12 and I met them for the first time.

One of the things I didn't mention in that post about my Father, was that I did have some contact with his family as a child. His parents and his Brothers and Sisters and their children. Rebecca and Lenny spent a lot of summers at our Grandparents house. When I was 12 I was invited and decided to go too, so long as I didn't have to meet my Father. It was all arranged and I was ecstatic. I was a single child, who longed for siblings of my own. The fact that I actually had 2 that I didn't know, was never lost one me, not even as a young child. I can't tell you how much of my life was spent wondering about both of them and about my Father too. I was very nervous and anxious of course to meet them, but I was more thrilled that I was actually going to get the chance to meet my very own, flesh and blood siblings.

I don't remember all the details of the time we spent together that summer. What I remember the most was how I felt about it. I was relieved in a way, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally stop wondering and daydreaming about who they were, what they were like, what they looked like. I had a face and details to put with the names and titles. I felt overjoyed and vindicated. When our time together was over, I missed them, I felt like we didn't get enough time together. I wanted more. I wanted to see them again and I had no idea when that day would come, or if it would come. It had been the choices of adults that gave us the first chance. I wondered if they would give us the chance again. We were kids and it wasn't really up to us. 10 years would pass before I saw my Brother again. 15 years would pass before I saw my Sister again.

Sometime after that first meeting, my Sister and I became pen pals. This lasted for several years but we lost touch for a while after that. I still have very letter she ever sent to me. It meant a lot to me to be able to have that connection with her. To be able to get to know her and for her to get to know me.

When I was about 22, I took my Husband and Son, who was almost 2 yrs. old to spend a weekend with my Dad and Brother. My Dad had separated form his wife and she moved away. My Sister went with her and my Brother stayed with my Dad. So I didn't get to see my Sis that time. We had a lot of fun. It was nice to spend time with my Dad after we had the first meeting under our belts and had gotten to know each other over all of our phone conversations.

When I was 27, Our Grandparents had a family get together and both of my siblings would be there. My Sister had had a son by then, he was 1 at the time. I would be seeing her for the first time in 15 years and I'd be meeting my first born Nephew and she would be meeting my son for the first time too, he was 6about 7 at the time. He is her first born Nephew too. It was kind of a big deal. It was only for a day but it was a day I will cherish forever.

Over the next 8 years, we all moved around and didn't really stay in touch. My Sister's Husband was in the military so they moved all over several times. My Brother lived in a few different places trying to find the best fit for him. My Dad moved but we keep in good contact. I moved too! We were all just doing our own thing and I don't know, we just lost touch. I thought about them daily and got updates from my Dad.

When I was 31 I got pregnant with my now 4 year old Daughter. Since I was living in a new state, 800 miles away from where I was born and raised and lived for 29 years, I had lost touch with several family members. In the process of trying to find and reach out to them to tell them there would be a new addition to our family, I found my Sister. I called her and we talked at length. She told me I should get a myspace account so we could keep touch. She hates the phone but loves the computer, I hate the computer but love the phone lol. I figured it would be a great way though to keep in touch, share pics etc. At the time, my Daughter had been born and was 3 months old. My Sister and I hit it off better than we ever had. and began what would end up to be a really great relationship. A real Sister relationship with daily contact. I'd like to thank the social networks for making this possible. At 31 and 29 yrs of age, we were finally thick as thieves they way we should have been our whole lives.My Brother came to visit me the next year and stayed a few days. He got to meet his first born niece for the first time.

Today I am 35, Rebecca is almost 32 lol Lenny is 29. I hadn't seen my Sister or Nephew in 8 years. The 3 of them came to stay with us at my house over night, a month ago. It may have only been 24 hours but it was and always will be one of the best 24 hrs of my life. Rebecca got to meet My Daughter for the first time and the 2 cousins got to meet for the first time. All of us just feel into place as if we had been apart of each others lives our whole lives. My Daughter stole my Sisters heart instantly lol I'm pretty sure she already had my Brothers from the first time he met her. I feel in love with my Nephew and was quite impressed with him. I can't even describe to you how much this day meant to me. I am a caregiver by nature and I am the older Sister. I loved being able to have them in my home. I got to cook for my Sister for the first time in my life. I got to spoil my Nephew with snacks lol He told me I was the queen of snacks and that since he was an only child, he didn't get a lot of snacks. I had asked him if he was hungry and wanted anything before bed. He asked what I had and I gave him several choices. His exact quote was "So many choices and only one little me" <3 I will NEVER forget that convo with him.

We all live a lot closer to each other than we ever have at the moment and we are all in more stable points of our lives. We are only 3 hours away and I think we will be seeing more of each other in person in the near future. Either way, the 3 of us have managed to build a tight bond despite all that worked against us. I can't imagine going one day without knowing what they are up to. I can't imagine not being able to talk to my Sis every day. They really mean the world to me.

Now, I didn't JUST post this to give you the background and insight into my life, of who I am. My main purpose for posting is the moral of this story too. I always have an agenda. One of my many missions in life is to get people to think about their own lives, through mine. I am constantly striving to be better and live better and see other people do the same. If one person reads this and reaches out to their sibling or makes sure their children know their siblings and start relationships with them, it will touch my heart. My siblings and I had to figure it out on our own. We had to do all the work our selves really and most of it didn't come till we were all adults with kids and lives of our own. We missed out on the relationship we should have had as children, right from the start. All those years just passing by. We can't get any of that back. Once it's gone, it's gone forever. I am not one to dwell on what could have been, but I will always wonder what our relationship would be like, had we had the chance to be a part of each others lives from the start. We were children who didn't ask to be put in this situation and had no say in it at all until we got older. It was the responsibility of our parents and all the family and adults around us to make sure we were given what we were entitled to, what we deserved. No one seemed to do that for us. If they tried, they didn't try hard or long enough. Like Dr Phil always says, "You try until" I'm not sure if anyone in our lives put any great thought into how it might play out for the 3 of us. It's another instance in my life where I have paid the highest price for the actions of others. It's another instance where I feel cheated and robbed of what should have been rightfully mine. I can tell you with all certainty that whether I had live through this or not, if my kids had half siblings somewhere, it would be my mission to make sure they knew each other, and were a part of each others lives. I don't care how any of the adults feel in a situation like this, once you have a child, their basic needs must come before yours. I am pretty sure a relationship with your siblings is a basic need. I happen to know some of my readers actually have similar situations in their lives. I hope that everyone of them get my point and make the small choice to put their feelings aside and "try until" As parents, I think too often we forget that the majority of our actions have a direct impact on our children. The children always end up being the ones who pay the highest price for our actions...ALWAYS! Time doesn't stand still and there are certain things that you can never get back.