"LADY LIKE"

I hear it way too often, the term "lady like". Every single thing that term implies boils my blood but the ones that enrage me the most are; it's not "lady like" to fart and girls don't poop.

The main reason this pisses me off is because it is factually a lie. HUMANS and all other living breathing things fart and poop. PERIOD. Male or female, we both eat, have stomachs, digest food, have colons and assholes. Therefore, both sexes accumulate gas and feces that will eventually need to be released. Holding in a fart or poop is by far one of the most painful things. Not to mention it's not healthy for you at all. I know because I spent years doing it in fear of what people would think about me. Feeling like I was turning green, stomach cramping and breaking a sweat, tensing up in fierce concentration to not let it out. Letting out a sign of relief when the pain would pass, knowing it would be back with a vengeance in a few minutes. The whole time wondering why I would torture myself like that, wishing it didn't have to be this way from a lot of pain and discomfort and being a liar. This is just one of the millions of things women do that not only disturb me but also embarrasses me to be one.

When a female says "I don't fart" (hee hee) All I hear is "I'm a liar who will pretend I don't do something that's impossible not to do, and that everyone knows I do even though I say I don't" What a shame really. So basically it's not lady like to fart but it is lady like to be full of shit... Literally!

I grew up thinking farts were funny, and I still think they are. One of my uncles used to fart in my face or fart and hold me under the covers. 30 years later he still denies (with a lying smirk on his face) that he never did that. In all honesty I am glad he did. In the end, he helped save me from a lot of pain and discomfort and from being a liar

Now I'm not saying hey, go out and fart in public, or take a shit in an open field with no shame. What I'm saying is that if you are at home, or with family and friends and let one rip or announce out loud that you have to or are going to take a dump (which I DO) well this makes you a stand up cool chick in my book. And if your holding it in causing yourself discomfort and giggling about how you don't fart or poop 'cause it's not "lady like"... Well then I fell sorry for you in a way.

As a parent I feel like it's my duty to be honest with my kids about this topic too. I fart in front of them and even my sons closest friend. I don't think its right to teach my Daughter to make herself suffer in pain because its not "lady like" to fart. Shes 4 and potty training. Certainly it wouldn't be good for her to learn "girls don't poop" when I NEED her to poop. And what kind of a lesson is it that we teach our toddler daughters to poop, only to tell her years later to lie about this and say you don't.

When it comes to my 14 year old son, I don't ever want him making a girl feel bad about herself or embarrassed if she farts. We raise our sons to honor women, respect them and treat them with dignity. Then at some point teach them that girls who fart aren't "lady like." Because really to me that is not really respectful of a woman to say "I know it's impossible for a woman not to fart but I'm going to make you feel shame if you do. So please suffer in pain and lie because lying is more "lady like" then farting"

Here is what I've told my son, when you get a girlfriend and your in bed one day, fart and hold her under the covers. If she laughs when she gets out, shes a keeper. If she makes a big deal out of it, shes not worth another moment of your time. And if you think she's the "girls don't fart type, she's fake and she'll lie to you about other things and you'll never really know the true her. When my daughter is old enough I'll tell her "fart in front of your boyfriends and close guy friends" if they think its funny they are worth having in your life. If they make you feel bad about it, they are assholes and not the kind of boys I want you to associate with.

I know girls who sneak out of bed at 2 a.m to poop so their husbands won't know. Only pooping before a shower with the shower already running as a cover up. Having a code name for pooping so only certain people know. The bottom line for me is that's way to much work and goes against everything I believe in, so while the rest of you phonies force yourself to suffer, I'll be real and free!