I met and fell in love with my husband 20 years ago. I was 15 and he was 14. As teenagers we dated other people at times. In fact, I had a boyfriend ( wink wink to one of my fellow bloggers lol) that I'd been with for quite some time when I met my husband. We have been exclusive for 13 years and married for 11.
When I was like 16 or 17, for Valentine's Day he gave me a small card with a pink teddy bear on it. On the front it read "For a Sweet Girl" Inside it read:
"This little bear's so happy! Look what he gets to do--
He gets to bring this valentine wish
to a sweet little girl like you"
"Happy Valentine's Day with lots of love"
I couldn't help but laugh in his face...then came the outrage. This was a card for a 3 year old for Christ sake! His excuse was that he had forgot it was Valentine's day and had to go to a 24 hr store last minute and they didn't have a good selection. NICE!! I should have known right then and there that this was the first sign of things to come.
Year after year he gave me botched gifts. Flowers, even though he knew I hated them. That I thought they were a HUGE WASTE of money and a pointless thoughtless gift. Mostly because you just look at them and smell them for 3 days and then...they die!!! I will never understand why women would even want flowers as a gift. This will never make sense to me.
He gave me a box of chocolates once, knowing full well that I was allergic to chocolate.
He always had some dumb excuse but the bottom line was that at the moment of gift selection, you know, when thought is involved, he wasn't doing much thinking at all!
I let his poor effort to gift give piss me off like you have no idea. So like you've heard me say before, I did what most of us women do. I fought with him about it. Bitching and moaning, pleading with him to get it right. Sweating the approaching dates and letting my anger fester so I could unleash the nasty beast that lays in wait inside of all of us. Then I would attack him when he would forget again. I gave him the lists of do's and don'ts. And the list wasn't even long since I am a very simple girl and don't require much as far as gifts are concerned. I am a "it's the thought that counts" kind of girl too but he would have to actually put some thought in for this to work for him and so far, all his thoughts had shown me that he wanted me to look at, smell... and care for something that would die. That he thought I was 6 years old and that he wanted me to have an allergic reaction. Please note: I grew out of this allergy to chocolate, I will get a stomach ache or headache if i eat too much, but i won't have some sever reaction, however it makes the story a bit better lol I don't really care for chocolate though so it's still a horrible gift for me.
Most of the time he would just completely forget, even if he was reminded before hand. Once I gave him a card a week before our anniversary. It was an anniversary card, inside I wrote "our anniversary is in one week. That means you have 7 days to get me a card." 7 days later, he had forgotten...again!
When it comes to big national holidays, I don't know how he can forget. I can't even tell you how many times he would forget Valentines Day. Valentine's Day, you know, the one you hear about every where you go. Pretty much every American knows the "Every kiss begins with Kay" slogan for Kay Jewelers. (that's a future blog topic of it's own) Every store has isles and shelves filled with stuffed wastes of money and heart shaped boxes filled with 5,000 calories . Seriously...it's impossible to forget that one! My Birthday happens to be 7 days after Valentine's day. You would think this would be easy for him to remember too. Especially since he would get bitched out for fucking up V-Day every year. One would think that he would say to him self "I'd better not mess it up next week" BUT he would. Twice in one month, 1 week apart...every year.
I complained to family and friends and the advice I would get would be to remind him (been there) Write the dates on a calender...ummm that would require him to look at said calender. Not to mention that's kind of like me doing the work he should be doing. Why not just wish myself a happy birthday? Mail myself a card? They would even remind him for me. But honestly that made me more angry, no third party should be involved in this at all. As I got older, I started realizing that gifts and cards weren't important to me at all. What was important to me is that he remembered the dates. That I would be important enough to him for him to remember the date of my birth and our marriage. I wanted him to remember, not for someone else to remember for him. What a joke...thanks for all that great advice.
His Mother worked at a card/candy store that went out of business. She got thousands of cards from them. She kept them in boxes in her basement. Joe went over there and picked out some cards for future holidays so he would be prepared. So even if he forgot a holiday, he would already have a card on hand to quickly fix the problem. He hid them in the filing cabinet. I did not know about any of this at the time. Looking back, it was a good idea. He did make an effort and try to do something right. He was making an attempt to not upset me ever again on a holiday. The thought was there...or was it?
Then came yet another Valentine's Day. I was 25. I was ready for some sort of blunder. I was ready for a fight. That night, after he came home from work and after his shower, he handed me a card. I was a bit surprised, shocked even. The card was really nice, it had a lot of words in it, they were all very thoughtful. I was smiling a bit on the outside but I was full of joy on the inside. He had actually gotten it right this time. As I was reading, I couldn't help but think about how for once in so many years, I wouldn't be left upset and outraged. This time, we wouldn't have to have a fight. After the nice little poem, there was one last line, in large bold print. I gasped in horror as I read that last line. It said "Let's Have a Wonderful Christmas"
Seriously? I was so disappointed. I didn't even know what to say. I remember telling him what it said. I remember him taking the card to see for his self. Like I would make it up or something. Like even he couldn't believe he had fucked it up again. Then I remember the explanation he gave. He told me how he had got cards from his Mom, how he'd filed them away for the next holiday. How he knew it was a holiday so he grabbed the card figuring it was for THIS holiday. he didn't even bother to read it. Yet as you can see he signed it DIRECTLY below what is now an infamous line in our house "Let's Have a Wonderful Christmas" Good job Baby, good job.
I was so fed up. I really didn't know how to resolve this problem. I mean he is obviously brain dead. How do I fix that. The answer I supposed was that I couldn't fix it. So, like I always do. I thought outside the box. I thought up a crazy idea that had me laughing instead of being pissed. His Birthday is 2 months after Valentine's day. I usually bought him a nice, thoughtful card. I did this with an attitude though knowing that I was about to give him a loving card even though he could never manage to do the same for me. NOT THIS TIME!!!
My family had come over for dinner and cake. Afterwards we exchanged cards and gifts. I handed him my card. He opened it and took it out of the envelope. He looked at it for a minute with a very confused look on his face. He closed it and looked around at my family members. then he turned and looked at me and said " I don't know what it says, I can't even read it." With a bit of a snotty tone I replied "I don't know what it says either, but you don't bother to read the cards you give to me, so why should I bother?"
The card was in Spanish, I had gone to CVS and picked one out at random. I didn't even look at it much, I just signed it and sealed the envelope. Everyone was hysterical including both of us. Joe was a bit embarrassed. My Grandmother laughed the hardest. As she was looking at the card, she noticed that on the back it had the English translation. She was hysterical as she told us it was there and then she read it out loud. It said:
"Good-bye and good luck....
your leaving makes us sad...
Now don't forget about us....
Or we're gonna be mad...."
We all busted out laughing again. The funny thing is, it appears that I can pick out an appropriate card without even reading it. lol Figures!
I would like you all to know that today is my 11 year wedding anniversary. I thought this would be a fitting post. I would also like you to know that aside from what you have read and what you will read, my husband happens to be a really amazing man. He is my best friend, a good husband, a great Father and a great provider. We have since stopped gift giving, at all, for any occasion. It seems silly to me actually and a waste of money we don't have. (another future blog post) As far as the cards go, we are broke and they are very expensive for a piece of paper. I am quite sure that we need the $4 more than Hallmark does!
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