Take The Pain Out of Bedtime Cause We All Need A Good Nights Sleep In Our Own Beds!

To the shock and amazement of most people, my 4 year old goes to bed at 8pm. In her own bed, in her own room. For most of her life bedtime was 7pm but since she started school it's 8pm. She has never slept in our bed. Not once ever! It's not so much that I think there is something wrong with kids sleeping in the parents bed, I just don't want to sleep with a kid. I know all to well that it will cause problems with your getting a goodnight sleep, your sex life, your marriage and your child not wanting to sleep in his/her own bed. I refuse for any of those things to happen. When our son was young, we all had to sleep in one room with 2 beds pushed together. He also needed to be rocked in a chair and/or bounced till he was asleep...for hours. We went through 5 glider rocking chairs. The bearings kept breaking from the millions of hours I spent rocking him lol It was very difficult. So when I had our daughter I vowed that I wasn't going to go through any of that.

I spent most of my life caring for other peoples children so I saw many different parenting styles. I learned a lot of things that I thought were really good ideas. I also learned a lot of things I thought were horrible ideas lol A couple of the things I decided to bring into my own home came from one particular family had to do with bedtime. These tips really worked for their kids and as it turns out they worked for mine too. Whenever I have posted about Isabella going to bed at 7pm or 8pm a bunch of my friends have asked: "how do you get her to go to sleep so early and so easy?" I've told them and now I get to share it with all of you.

First. I started Isabella young. At 3 months I put her in a crib in her own room to sleep and nap...no exceptions. This takes commitment and mine comes from not wanting to sleep with a kid cause I value a good nights sleep. I never made a fuss over her during the bedtime routine. I placed her in her crib, tucked her in, kissed her and said good night and that was it. I don't feel one bit mean about doing it like that either. Kids don't know any difference. It's the parents who feel bad, feel they need to cuddle them or lay with them or rock them or pat their little backs. It's the parents who want to have that special time with their babies and kids. I want that kind of time too and I have it, during the waking hours. I don't think those special things should be used as a means of putting your child to sleep because the child will depend on you to do that for as many years after as you can stand it...and then some. The majority of parents, working or stay at home parents, have busy days. By the end of the day we are counting down the minutes till bedtime. I value that quiet/alone time to unwind. I usually still have a bunch of chores left to do. I don't want to spend one minute longer than needed putting a kid to sleep. That in itself is a job for a lot of you and was once for me.

The first trick has to do with music. The family I used to care for, would play a cd of lullaby's when they would put their kids to sleep. When I first met them I was like geez, listening to that over the baby monitor was going to drive me insane. However, it worked, the kids went right to sleep. They weren't crying for their mom causing me and the kid to have a battle to get them to sleep. They weren't calling for their mom cause they didn't depend on a parent to put them to sleep. They depended on the music. It really makes perfect sense to me. I play a meditation cd for Isabella. We have had 2 in her life. Evening serenade and chinese bamboo. When people come over and hear it, they are like "WTF is that music, how can you stand it?" Sure, it's a little odd I guess. Honestly I am used to it now and hardly notice it. All I know is that it's much easier to listen to than my kid calling my name, screaming for mommy to cuddle her or rock her or kiss her one more time. It's much easier than going back and forth into her room 50 times and for however long until they finally fall asleep. Seriously, that is one of the most frustrating things to have to go through and worse if it's every night.

The second trick is all about sheets, blankets and blankies. The Mom of the same family told me how she'd read somewhere NOT to wash your kids bedding and blankie unless or until it was really dirty. meaning don't wash it ever few days or every week just cause that is your bedding washing routine. For babies, they spit up and soak through diapers and such so of course you will be washing a babies bedding pretty often, possibly daily. BUT if the bedding isn't "soiled" then you shouldn't wash it more than once every 2 weeks or once a month. Use common sense. The point of this is to develop/build up your child's scent on their bedding. That personal scent that comes from the natural odor of our own bodies and is specific to that individual. I'm sure you can all relate to "missing the smell of your own bed" when you are away from home. Or getting into your bed at night and loving the smell of it. I know I do. It's very comforting isn't it. Or the smell of your kids or spouse, we love that smell right? Well, the same applies to a kid. It's comforting to them too and it's another example of them being comforted by their own bed and not a parent or a parents bed. Again, this makes perfect sens to me. Most of the time sheets will get dirty before the top blanket will so you can wash the sheets more often than the blanket. This is one of the reasons I love blankies and think they are a good idea. You can wash the bedding but NOT the blankie. Another reason I think blankies are a good idea is because they are portable. You can't bring your child's bed away on vacation or to sleep in a unfamiliar place, but you can bring their balnkie. Therefore you can bring their comfort wherever they go. Isabella was given a carters blanket by close family friends when she was 3 months old. I loved it so much I had to buy her 2 more. 2 stay at home and 1 is allowed to leave the house and goes with her to school.

I love this Carters blanket so much, that I will buy one from this day froward for anyone I truly love who is having a baby. I just bought 2 for my soon to be born Nephew. If they made it in an adult size, I would own a few for all of us in my house. I WANT TO SLEEP WITH THIS BLANKIE!!!!! It's a double sided 2 ply type 100% cotton blanket. It is so silky soft. I can't even describe to you in words how it feels. I recommend buying one for you kids or for someone having a kid. They cost around $30 but I bought the 2 for my Nephew on ebay with shipping for $12.98. I bought Isabella's 2 spare balnkies on ebay too but I paid close to $30 for both.

Now, for older kids or kids who wake up in the middle of the night, I am all for the Super Nanny routine. If you aren't familiar with it, google search her and look for a youtube vid of her bedtime routine. I use this when Isabella wakes up in the middle of the night or if she gives me trouble at bedtime. (That hardly ever happens though) So basically you put you tuck your kid in at bedtime or upon waking. You kiss them and say your I love you's and good nights and that's it. Then if they get out of bed or call you, you wait a bit and then go in and tuck them in again saying "it's time to go to sleep" and that's it. For every time after that. You don't talk at all. NO talking, NO eye contact. You just put them back in bed and tuck them in. It's possible if you have an older kid that you want to start sleeping in their own bed or you have problems getting them to sleep at night, that you will have to do this many times in one night and many nights in a row until they eventually learn that it's bedtime and that's THAT! Your child will learn but they will also try to take advantage of you and lets face it, a child's will is much stronger than ours and they will do whatever it takes to break you down lol. All they are seeking is your attention and if they NEVER get it, they will stop seeking and they will relent. Give your child all the attention he/she wants at an appropriate time, not at bedtime or in the middle of the night. For babies, Supper Nanny uses a routine where she has the parent sit in the room, facing away from the child and inch by inch slowly moving towards the door as the child is drifting off to sleep but not until they are quiet. If they wake, repeat, repeat, repeat. Like I said, this isn't easy and isn't a quick fix. But a few nights of misery is better than a few years. Be strong lol I am just giving you the basics. I HIGHLY recommend watching it for yourself and reading up on her bedtime routine. It really does work.

In closing, these tricks really work. I have seen it with my own eyes. They also make perfect logical sense to me. Take a min to think about it, really think about it without involving your personal feelings. Parents and children really need a good nights sleep. This is not about being cold, or not being mushy and showing your kids love and affection. It's about sleep and peace and when it comes to bedtime, that's all that should be considered. It is a fact that bedtime is rough for any or all of the above reasons for a good percent of families. So it's obvious that love and affection doesn't work, it won't make you kids fall asleep peacefully on their own and in their own bed. All it really does is prevent kids from falling asleep peacefully on their own, in their own bed. It also leads to more bedtime issues which isn't good for a child either. It causes you as a parent to be frustrated, lose your peaceful sleep time and it adds work to your already heavy load!

Isabella is well adjusted, she's happy and loved and showered with affection from 6:30 am to 8pm and then it's all business lol When we say it's bedtime, she doesn't even think to argue. There's no whining, no crying, no stamping feet. She walks to her room, we turn on her music. My husband plays little kissing games with her and they joke around for a few minutes. Then he leaves and I have to give her what she calls "25 pet nice" lol 25 pet nice is me rubbing her back while I count to 25. She adopted this 25 pet nice from school and I have worked it in to our routine because it has helped her adjust to napping at school. Once, while doing it, I was thinking of something else and I counted to 30. She flipped out lol yelling "NO mommy, not 30, that's toooo much" That was months ago and every night since when she asks for 25 pet nice and I start doing it, she says "NOT 30" lol just to make sure I don't mess it up. When I am done, I kiss her and tell her I love her then I leave the room. Once I close the door she says "Bye Mommy" and I say "Bye Isabella" Then she says "No more talking" and I have to say it back to her "No more talking" because a few times in the past she would call me back and want to tell me things so I would tell her "Isabella, NO more talking" After having to do that several times, she started saying it to me first loll but I always have to say it back. Then she talks herself to sleep...easy breezy! At 8:05pm, I am done with the bedtime routine and I'm on to everything else that need my attention. Like myself and my sanity lol :)

Sweet Dreams